mail order madness for lack of a better title
by pimp biscuit
Summary: because sasuke is a lonely bastard to the extreme or at least in Narutos eyes Naruto had decided to get him a... puppie! no not really actually he gets him a mail order lover. what could possibly go wrong? somewhat based on absolute boyfriend SasuHina OC
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is an old story I had written a while back so I'm just posting it to see what happens

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto T.T (so sad)

Sasuke POV

"Yo, Sasuke wait up!" I heard a very loud obnoxious voice calling out to me as I was walking home,_ 'Why do I, out of all the people in the world have to have this guy as a friend.' _I turned to have the dove almost crash into me, "what do you want dove I have to get home and start on my homework and I really don't have time to deal with you" I asked not in the mood to deal with him "what!? Dude forget the homework me and the guys are going to celebrate Neji's 18 b-day by taking him to a stripper club" Naruto chimed his eye brows going up and down. I frowned "no thanks" and with that I started walking again. "man, Sasuke your so boring you seriously need to get laid!" the narutard yelled out, my brow started twitching, '_yes Naruto scream it out for the whole town to hear' _I looked around and noticed people stopped what they were doing to stare, '_don't people have anything better to do.'_

Normal POV

"well I better tell everyone he's not coming" he stopped to think a bit,_ 'hmm, maybe he does need to get laid,'_ while Naruto was consumed in his thoughts, he didn't notice the banana peel in the sidewalk, he tripped on it and landed on his face '_son of a-' _he lifted up his face to be slapped in the face with a magazine that was blowing in the wind. He peeled it of his face and read the article on the page it was turned to.

'_Mail Order Lovers, hmm this might just be what Sasuke needs, lets see what it says hmm, blah blah,, blah, some guy named orochimaru, blah, simple to order just fill out the order form at the back of the magazine and it will arrive in 1-2 days, AWSOME!"_

Naruto pulled a pen out of his pocket and turned to the last page, "okay let's see Sasuke uchih-

_Let's get these teen hearts beating faster,_

_So testosterone boys and -_

"Hello"

"Yo' Naruto hurry up man or were leavin without ya'"

"Chill man ill be there in a sec"

"you got Five minutes or were leavin' yo' ass"

"No worries I'll be there"

He closed his phone, _I really need a new ring tone_, he looked down at the paper and decided to just hurry and put what ever down anyway its not like he was paying, he circled a few things, and shoved it in the mail box which was conveniently on the way towards his next destination.

A/N: well that's chapter 1 if you like what you read please review see ya'


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: well I had nothing better to do (well actually I should be doing my homework)so I decided to update, don't have much to say except R & R (please?)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Kishimoto does and also the song that was Narutos ring tone was from Panic at The Disco (forgot to put that last time, please don't sue me T.T I'm just a broke bastard that doesn't own a single think)

Mail Order Madness

Chapter 2

AT Snake Co.

A man with silver hair and round glasses was checking over the order forms, making sure everything was in order and filling out the paper work for the head honchos upstairs. He stopped on a paper with the model number 4432 circled _'wow, didn't think anyone would order that one, this Sasuke Uchiha must have a lot of money to throw around'_

Back with Sasuke next day after school

Our favorite sixteen year old bad boy, Sasuke Uchiha was reading the menu at Sonic trying to find something within his price range. So far the only thing he could afford was the small fries. He dropped his head in defeat _'I really need to get a second job, its barely Wednesday and I'm already broke and I don't get paid till Saturday' _Sasuke started stalking off _'I guess I'll just fast till Saturday' _even tough it didn't show on his body Sasuke was secretly addicted to junk food, if he could he would eat McDonalds every day, which would explain why he's already broke.

Once Sasuke opened the door he was greeted with a giant gift wrapped box. Sasuke stared up at it blankly trying to figure out why someone would give him a gift '_hmm its not my birthday, it isn't valentines day either, so what's with the gift' _Sasuke circled around the box examining it when a small tag caught his eye, he pulled it off and read it out loud "thank you _Sasuke Uchiha_ for your order and we hope you enjoy your order sincerely, Snake Co.", once Sasuke stopped reading the top of the box flew open making a whooshing noise as it lifted up completely, this of course scared Sasuke so he stepped back about five steps, then the sides started falling hitting the floor with a bang, gushes of air flew by him causing his eyes to close, he opened his eyes slowly but once he noticed what was in the box his eyes looked like they would fall out of there sockets any second now, his nose exploding with a nosebleed.

Inside the box there was a bunch of pink colored tissue paper and in the center of that mess was a girl… completely naked, except for a light pink ribbon tied in a bow around her neck. Her pale legs were positioned to the side of her, her head bent down her dark hair cascading from her head reaching the floor. Sasuke just couldn't stop staring she was just so… fine, he didn't even notice he was loosing gallons of blood per second. Finally after what seemed like forever she looked up, if Sasuke wasn't a puddle of goop before, than he sure was now. She had big beautiful pale eyes, a small nose and mouth she had a blank look on her face making her look really cute. Sasuke kept staring until the door shrieked open; his dark eyes looked up to meet with sky blue ones. Both pair of eyes looked back down to the floor where the girl was then the blue eyed boy finally said something "hey you guys Sasuke has a stripper in his house and it's a GIRL!!!"

"What's that supposed to mean dobe" Sasuke snapped

"I told you guys he wasn't gay ya'll each owe me fifty bucks" Naruto screamed

"That doesn't prove he's straight" Neji said not willing to loose fifty dollars

"Yeah" kiba chirped in, not happy with loosing money either

"If she doesn't prove it than his nosebleed and boner sure do" Naruto said while snickering

Once the two other boys got a glimpse of the girl, Neji's nose started bleeding and kiba passed out, hitting the floor hard his nose dripping blood a pleased smile spread across his face. When Sasuke remembered about the girl he took of his black jacket and put it on the girl he zipped it up while looking away a light shade of red coloring his cheeks. The jacket fit her long reaching down to her thighs but it still left plenty of her legs revealed to the perverted boys.

"OKwell now that you're clothed could you tell us who you are?" Sasuke asked in a cold voice. When the girl heard his tone, her eyes shifted from confused to hurt "I'm sorry master Uchiha, did I make you mad?" the girl said in a soft sweet voice starting to step back from Sasuke. Sasuke stared at her blankly and then out of nowhere Neji and kiba put one of there arms on her shoulders then they both started in unison "no, no Sasuke's just a cold hearted bastard you didn't do anything wrong". She stared blankly at them for a while then a small smile spread across her face Neji and kiba then jumped away from her, poking there fingers together both thinking about how cute she was. She started to talk again "Master Uchiha I'm the mail order lover you requested, my assigned name is Hinata but you can call me what ever you want" Sasuke Looked at her questionably "I'm sorry but there must be some mis-"

"Oh yeah, Sasuke I ordered you well I guess her, uhh surprise he, he, he" Naruto said nervously laughing

'_WHAT! That idiot, that's it, I've had all I can stand' _He stepped up to the other boys, then through gritted teeth ha barked at them to get out. The boys cringed in fear of the Uchiha and then ran out of the house slamming the door behind them

A/N: so what do you think good? Bad? Horrible(oh god I hope not)? Well please review so you can tell me what you think even if its flaming I need to know how I can improve me writing

See ya'


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: well here's another chapter and sorry but it's short too I'll try to make them longer but I'm not promising anything, with all my school stuff I hardly have time to get on the computer so updates might start getting slower and also thank you to all the people who reviewed (really appreciated) nothing more to say except R &R

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Chapter 3

He turned around to face Hinata; now that she was standing he saw how tall she was. She wasn't extremely short but she wasn't that tall, probably 5'4, her hair now reached down to her buttocks. She was very pretty but he knew he wasn't about to… keep her? To Sasuke that sounded weird like if she was a pet or something. He was going to say something when he decided against it.

He started walking into his room. Sitting down on his bed, he rubbed his temples '_What am I going to do' _Sasuke laid back hopping to take a nap, He was starting to get a head ache and he felt very tense. He was about to fall asleep when he felt something soft brush against his nose. He rubbed at his nose absent mindedly, but once he reached up he felt something soft and silky in between his fingers. He opened his eyes to see Hinata staring down at him "master Uchiha is something bothering you" she asked a worried look etched across her face. He sat up rubbing his shoulder "nah, just a little tired" he said not one to complain-a lot. He felt the mattress sink under her weight as she climbed onto his bed. He felt two small hands on his shoulders, He tensed up and looked back to see what she was doing. She flashed him a smile before asking if he would like a massage. He was about to tell her no but before he could she had started rubbing his shoulders. He started felling relaxed and was about to fall asleep when he felt her arms instead of on his shoulders had encircled around his neck, he could feel her warm breath on his ear as she whispered an "all better" into it.

He was going to ask her what she was doing but felt warm lips placed against his neck starting to place butterfly kisses on it. He wanted to push her away he really did but her kisses were just so enticing and addicting, it was very difficult. She stopped and then decided to sit on his lap and Sasuke in his dazed and lusty state, did not protest when she did so. She wrapped her arms around his neck again and placed her lips on his, kissing him softly. Sasuke felt a rush of electricity run through his body and he answered back to her hungrily, wanting more. He wanted it to last as long as it could he was mesmerized by the feel of her lips on his.

A/N: sorry about the short chapter and also I was thinking of a new story for this couple with one of them being in a gang but I wanted to ask if a) would you consider reading it and b) I'm thinking of putting them in gangs from U.S. and South America (simply because I know A lot of info on them ) but If I do that the setting will most likely be in Mexico and they will be Latin and speak Spanish but if you'd prefer I could make it the yakuza please tell me what you think of the idea in a review or something.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: It's late… about 12 a.m. but I didn't want to make you wait that long, so here's another chapter

BUT BE WARNED… it's short (I'm sorry please don't hurt me) I'll try to make them longer I swear but for now enjoy and sorry about the HORRIBLE grammar (I'll try and fix that too)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Chapter 4

She started putting more of her weight on him trying to lay him back onto the mattress when the door bell rang; they broke apart and looked at the door. Sasuke then looked back at the girl and let out an ear shattering scream pushing the girl of him. She landed on the floor, her knees drawn up, leaning back on her hands. He looked down at the girl horror written across his face '_what was I about to do' _he ignored his thoughts and decided to answer the door.

There standing on the other side of the door was a silver haired man. He was wearing a black suit and had on a mask that covered half of his face with a black bandana that covered his left eye.

'_Today just keeps getting weirder and weirder, this guy looks like he's from the mafia or something… am I going to get shot?' _

"Hello sir, my name is Kakashi Hatake, I'm here to make sure your order was to your liking and discuss how you're going to pay for your mail order lover" the man said sounding surprisingly very clear through the mask.

'_ah!!! Oh no, even worse, he wants money '_

"Yeah… about that I was wondering if I can return her."

"I'm sorry sir but that's not possible"

"Why?"

"We'll that's simple, every order is made to the clients personal liking, so the chances that the order you placed will be requested by anyone else is very unlikely, besides you still have to pay for your purchase even if you return it and trust me it would be better for you to keep her"

"Okay, so how much does she cost then"

The man named kakashi handed Sasuke a paper with the price on it. Once he read it Sasuke's jaw dropped to the grown "Is this the cost or a phone number" Sasuke muttered in disbelieve.

"Is there a problem"

"YES, THERE'S A PROBLEM I CAN'T POSSIBLY AFORD THIS"

"Well - oh you must be model number 4432 it's very nice to see you Hinata"

"It's nice to meet you too"

Sasuke turned around to see Hinata standing a foot away from him. She was smiling at the kakashi guy. "Sir you really should think of putting more clothes on her in this condition all the straight men and may I add, lesbians that lay there eyes on her will try to attack her" kakashi said directing his attention back at Sasuke.

"Well it's not like I own any women's clothing"

"You do know there is some clothing for her in the box right"

"Then why don't they come already clothed!?" Sasuke asked trough gritted teeth

"Do not question master Orochimaru's methods, he is a genius when it comes to the art of romance and love" kakashi stated while jabbing a finger in Sasuke's face

"What ever, Hinata go get the clothes and change in the bathroom"

"Uhh, yes"

"Back to what we were talking about earlier will that be cash or credit" kakashi said with a smile. Sasuke gave a sigh, trying to calm down so he could think straight "is there a way I could pay it in payments, because I don't have this kind of money right now"

The man looked skeptical for a while but after a few seconds he spoke a again "you could pay it in payments, but it's only an eight year plan, is that ok"

"Yeah sure what ever" he then closed the door on kakashi and considered there conversation over all though he did hear when the man screamed from the other side of the door that the bill would come in a month.

He went down the hallway into the kitchen and got a soda from the refrigerator. He popped the can open and took a big swig of its contents.

"Master Uchiha is this all right" he heard Hinata's meek voice from the doorway that led into the kitchen. He looked up at her and almost chocked on the coke that was still in his mouth.

There at the doorway was Hinata…

Fully clothed in a French maid outfit.

A/N: again sorry for making you wait longer and sorry for the short chap well R & R (oh, and by the way thanks for the reviews)

See ya' in chapter 5


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: okay not much longer I know & it took me long (I also know that) but school got in the way (sorry) but I decide to post this before I was done with it because I didn't want to go on to long without updating (and plus I updated because today is my B-day, I'm officially 15 years old (sniff) time passes by to quickly I want to be a kid again. Anyway R&R

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto…yet (bwah ha ha (cough, cough) bwah ha ha )

Chapter 5

Sasuke had been staring at Hinata for what seemed like forever. Hinata was weaning a small black blouse with small sleeves the shirt fit her pretty tightly showing of ever one of her curves.

The skirt was incredibly short probably only long enough to cover her butt, both the shirt and skirt had a lace trim around the edges, she had fish net stockings that went all the way to mid thigh with small black shoes on her feet. She wore a white apron over the skirt and a maid headdress on her head.

'_you've got to be kidding me' _

Seeing her like that gave him this weird urge to just grave her and go into another make out session. Sasuke absent mindedly liked his lips remembering the kiss they had shared a few minutes ago.

"um, weren't there any other clothes in the box" Sasuke asked while he tried to avoid looking at her.

He had to get her to change or else he didn't think he would be able to hold in these 'urges' he was having.

"no these were the only clothes in there, why, do you not like them?" she asked.

'_The problem isn't that I don't like them the problem is I like them to much' _he thought.

He stud up and went to his room leaving Hinata in the kitchen. Once he came back she noticed he had some clothes in one of his hands.

"here"

he outstretched the arm that was holding the clothes to her

"take those off and put these on instead" he said.

She graved the clothes from him and looked at them oddly for a second before starting to tug her top off. Sasuke noticed what she was doing and blushed before running over to her.

he graved the blouse trying to tug it back down "what do you think your doing" he screamed at her. She tugged the blouse down enough to where he could see her face then answer with a simple "changing."

"don't do that here go to the bathroom" he told her the blush still eminent on his face. She answer with an oh and moved to grab the clothes off the counter where she had put them so she could change, and them walked to his bathroom.

He sat down again, leaning on the counter with his arms while his head was leaning on his open palm that was placed against his forehead. He was trying to get his thoughts straitened out and force down the blush that seemed to be very persistent on staying where it was.

"master Uchiha are you sure your alright"

Hinata's voice snapped him out of his contemplative state. He looked up to see her dressed in one of his long, bulky, black t-shirts and a pare of gray sweat pants

'_well It's better, she does look really cute though, ahh bad thoughts, stupid hormones'_

_A/N: uhh, I'm disappointed in myself , later_


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: what's up everyone I'm back :D (someone throws a knife at me) okay I know I haven't updated in forever but I have a good excuse see my computer has corrupted files on it which are causing it to crash and run really slowly so I've had to work on this story in-between crashes (which happen often) and also I wasn't here for two weeks well anyway here's chapter 6 (which probably wasn't worth the wait again sorry T.T) maybe if I ad some smut in the next chapter ya'll forgive me, would ya'?

Disclaimer:

Chapter 6:

Sasuke looked away from Hinata and decided to stare at his coke that was placed in front of him. He took a calming breath before speaking up

"Listen Hinata, you know this whole being your lover thing you got going"

"Uh, yes?"

"Yeah, well we can't do that"

Hinata was shocked, had she done something wrong? She had followed her teachings exactly so what could possibly be the matter? Her eyes started to water, "what? But why master Uchiha? Did I do something wrong, if I did I'm sorry and I'll try and fix it" she placed herself in front of Sasuke so she could look into his eyes. Sasuke stared back at her in a daze.

'_Wow she's so pretty (and hot!) and kind (don't forget hoooottttt!) aww and look at the puppy dog eyes, she's adorable (H-O-T, who's hot? Hinata's hot! ), wait a minute why do my thoughts keep contradicting themselves?'_

Sasuke shook his head to get rid of his thoughts, he looked at Hinata. Staring deep into her eyes, he almost lost his resolve and gave in to her plea.

'_Stay strong Sasuke, remember you __**are a man**__!' _he thought while picturing himself holding up a razor.

"Mngh, mh ahh duhhhh" Sasuke's eyes were wide with shock, a blush adorning his pale skin; he looked back down at his coke in… embarrassment? Imagine it, Sasuke Uchiha embarrassed, now that was a sight to behold

'_What the fuck did I just say, ah crap, she must think I'm an idiot now' _

Sasuke kept his face down, not wanting to see her reaction to his incoherent…what ever that just was. It was eerily quiet for a while and just when Sasuke thought it was safe to look up he heard a soft giggle escape her lips. He looked up, intrigued as the small noise slowly started growing louder before he could get a good look at her he saw her body fall down to the ground. Sasuke thinking something was wrong with her hastily leaned over the counter to see what happened only to find her on her knees laughing hysterically.

Sasuke's blush only intensified. Felling awkward he scratched at his right cheek with his index finger and just when he was about to speak up he heard it.

Sasuke's ears perked from the noise. It was a noise that had been engraved into his very soul. The fast roaring of the incessant clap of _its_ claws on the hard grown and the awful roar that followed soon after.

Sasuke immediately panicked, his eyes going wide with shock. He ran out of the kitchen leaving a cloud of dust behind him as he ran to every window, bolting them shut. And just as he was about to reach the front door it swung open, hitting the wall so hard it created a gapping hole. Them the horrible screech of _its_ voice was heard

**S**A_S_UKE-_**KUN!!!!**_

_It _also known as the fan girl.

The horrible beings that haunted Sasuke's life with a passion ad now Sasuke had the _wonderful _luck of being face to face with none other than the pack leaders, Haruno Sakura and Ino Yamanaka. One an obsessive compulsive know-it all with hair died the horrible shade of neon pink and the other the basic stereotype of a teenage blond. Once inside his house they both jumped him, each clinging to one of his arms.

"Sasuke-kun we missed you so much, it's been _ages_" sakura cooed almost making him deaf in his right ear

" sakura I saw you in my last class and school has barely been out a few hours" he said through grated teeth while trying to pry them of his arms but only managed to get Sakura of, who immediately after letting go of his arm graved onto his leg.

"Sasuke- Kun come on, go on a date with me, you know you want to" Ino said while rubbing up against Sasuke

"Get off Ino" Sasuke growled while shaking his arm and leg trying to get the crazy duo off of him

"Yeah you heard Sasuke Ino pig back off"

"Make me bill board brow"

Just as Sasuke was ready to rip his or there hair out of there heads -leaning a little more towards there's rather than his - Hinata walked into the room.

"Master Uchiha, I heard a lot of noise is everything o…kay?" Hinata said but when she saw what was happening she trailed of confused by what the girls where doing.

As soon as Sakura saw Hinata she jumped up, letting Sasuke's leg go free, and got right in Hinata's face.

"Sasuke what is this bitch doing in your house and (gasp) why is she wearing your clothes?" Sakura said with a look of shock and jealousy apparent in her green eyes.

Sasuke panicked. What was he supposed to tell her? Oh this is Hinata, the mail order lover that Naruto ordered me, yeah right! Not unless he wanted to get the poor girl killed.

"Umm…this is" but before he could finish Hinata interrupted him.

"Hello, I'm master Uchiha's lover, it's nice to meet you both" Hinata said while smiling angelically at Sakura and Ino completely oblivious to what she had done.

"WHAT!!!" Sakura hollered at the top of her lungs right before jabbing her finger into Hinata's chest "listen you-" but before Sakura could finish Hinata graved the offending appendage and flipped Sakura over her shoulder thinking that Sakura was going to attack her.

"Ow, ow, ow" Sakura whined while trying to massage her back. She then proceeded to try and crawl towards the door all the while complaining about the girl breaking her beautiful back. Sakura crawled and clawed at the carpet trying to reach the door that seemed miles away and just as she was about to reach it her body gave out, her face hitting Sasuke's carpeted floor hard.

Everyone was dead quiet, just staring at sakura's unconscious form. Ino looked between Sakura and Hinata and then at her linked arm. She soon backed away from Sasuke while laughing awkwardly "umm…well we'll just be going then" Ino said hurriedly while scratching the back of her head.

She made her way towards Sakura and graved her foot to drag her out the door. Ino then ran towards the door slamming it behind her, but completely forgetting about the unconscious body she was dragging, slammed the door into Sakura's head right on her massive forehead. Once Ino heard the small groan that came out of Sakura she looked back. She quickly noticed what she did and ran back inside to kick Sakura's head out the way and close the door.

Hinata and Sasuke stared blankly at the door listening to the sound of Sakura's head slamming into the metal stairs that lead up to the second floor where Sasuke's apartment was located. After the sound started to fade Sasuke looked over at Hinata

"So um like I was saying before, you can't be my lover but you can still live here and your going to need to get a job so you can help me pay you off" Sasuke then started to walk towards the kitchen again when he remembered something.

" oh and your coming with me to school tomorrow so we can sign you up" Sasuke turned around to face the girl and pointed his index finger at her " and you can't mention anything about us living together got it"

Hinata looked down at the ground but nodded after a few second

"Good, now lets go to sleep I'm tired"

"But it's barely eight"

"So today was… stressful, to say the least so come on, sleepy time" he said while graving Hinata by her hand and leading her towards his room

"Okay master-"

"And stop calling me master Uchiha, just Sasuke got it" he said while giving her a light glare. She nodded and then started walking towards Sasuke's room on her own, leaving Sasuke to follow after her. Once they got in his room they both laid down on the bed each staying to one side of the bed, leaving space in between them. Once Hinata was sure that Sasuke was asleep she got closer to him and snuggled up to him.

'I know he told me to stay away but I cant, if I do master orochimaru will know, I cant go back there again, I just cant so I'll just make mast…Sasuke-kun want to be with me, I'm sorry Sasuke' Hinata thought while drifting of to sleep, holding Sasuke close.

A/N: well that's it for this chap sorry if it's still short and I know there are some things in here that you might not understand but they'll be explained in later chapters


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: hello readers, thank you for the wonderful reviews and I really hope u read these because a have info to share. First of there is one, I guess, kind of racial joke (use of the word wetback and it's like the smallest of smallest mentions). My reason for putting it in is that I'm not offended by racial jokes (blame Carlos Mencia), but for those of you who are I put a warming before the racial part so if u want to skip it you can

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form own anything pertaining to Naruto I'm just an obsessed sasuhina fan who likes writing crappy stories to entertain herself during her free time

Ch 7

Sasuke woke to warmth radiating from something behind him, and thinking it was coming from the sun, decided to turn over so the warmth could hit his face but instead came face to face with a sleeping Hinata. Sasuke opened his mouth to scream but before the noise could be released he covered his mouth deciding not to disturb the sleeping princess, but really why shouldn't he? Isn't this the exact same thing he told her NOT to do? Did she not know that he was a teenage boy with ragging hormones? Did she want to get raped?

While Sasuke was mentally giving himself a quiz, Hinata woke up to see Sasuke wide awake starring right at her. She automatically smiled up at him telling him a good morning but when he didn't respond she waved her hand in front of his face trying to get his attention, but alas to no response.

'because if she wants to have sex I'm ready and willing…I want some jack, please oh mighty god let me have enough money for some tacos-'

"SASUKE!"

"Huh" Sasuke said stupidly while starring at the girl that somehow had managed to flip them over so she was straddling his waist. After Sasuke was able to digest the position they were in heat rushed to his face but this time he was able to suppress it so his face only grew slightly red.

"Hey Hinata…umm what did I tell you yesterday?"

"Yesterday? Well you told me that I had to get a job, you were going to sign me up to school, and that we are not lovers so no intimate stuff, correct?" she asked while smiling sweetly at him

"So why are you straddling me?"

"Because you were ignoring me and I was trying to tell you you're going to be late for school if you don't hurry up" she answered while pouting

"wha-" Sasuke looked over at the clock and saw that he only had twenty minutes to get to school

"Ah crap!" he screamed while jumping off of the bed and graving his uniform of the floor, where he had intentionally put it for easy access

'okay Uchiha you got to choose you can eater take a bath and not go to jack in the box or you can go to jack and skip out on the bath' well I say the answer was bluntly obvious.

'I choose jack who needs personal hygiene anyway, besides even if I smelled like a moldy fart I doubt any of my fan girls would go away, but I would like to test that out one day'

After making his decision he started to take of his pants…when he remembered that Hinata was still in the room and abruptly stopped. He looked over at the bed to see the girl starring at him whit an innocent blank look on her face.

"Um… Could you turn around?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm changing"

"Sasuke-kun you wouldn't be the first man I've seen naked besides you have your undergarments under your pants right?"

"Yes"

"Well then it isn't like I'll be seeing you completely naked"

"But-"

"You know, you really don't have time for this"

Sasuke again looked at his clock and saw that he had already wasted ten whole minutes "damn it!!" he groaned while pulling on his hair. At this rate he wouldn't be able to go get some tacos… and a side of fries.

He decided that Hinata was right and just changed in front of her; of course he didn't look at the girl once. Those where the most awkward thirty seconds of his life other than that time the dove had kissed him. Once he was done changing he graved his cell phone and his house keys and rushed out the door… then quickly ran back in when he had noticed he had forgotten Hinata. He graved her by her hand and speed of towards jack leaving a trail of dust in his wake.

Once he reached jack he went towards the drive through and stood in front of the sign thing where you place the orders and told the person what he wanted.

"Let me get a jumbo jack with cheese extra tomatoes and no onions, a small doctor pepper and a medium fries" Sasuke said hurriedly not wanting to waste time

"…couls you repeat zhat señor" came the voice of a person with a really strong Mexican accent who obviously was struggling with the English language (a/n yeah there in U.S. sorry for not saying it sooner : p)

"O-n-e j-u-m-b-o j-a-c-k w-i-t-h c-h-e-e-s-e e-x-t-r-a t-o-m-a-t-o-e-s a-n-d n-o o-n-i-o-n-s, s-m-a-l-l d-o-c-t-o-r p-e-p-p-e-r a-n-d a m-e-d-i-a-m f-r-i-e-s" he said making sure to pronounce and say each word slowly enough to where he could understand

"wilz zhat be all fors you zir" came that almost irritating voice again.

"yes" Sasuke said getting tired of this conversation not only because it was making him late for school but also because he couldn't understand half the crap the guy was saying and it was making him think racial thoughts.

"Tathl be seven dolares and forty-ceven sentz pleace drive around"

Sasuke then proceeded to walk towards the pick up window seeing as he didn't have a car, damn him for believing the drive through would be quicker! Once at the window he handed over the money and received his brown bag filled with his greasy goodies. He started running again still dragging Hinata behind him but before he could get far he decided to voice his opinion before he lost the courage too

**WARNING!!!(If you want you can think of it as a long beep)**

"Learn proper English you damn wetback" (a/n: I warned you :p see that's why ya'll should read the authors notes and I told u it was tiny)

**WARNING!!!(Long beep end) **

After that Sasuke ran as if his life depended on it, which it kind of did, and made it to school in five minutes flat. He ran right trough the metal detectors not caring to stop even if the hall monitors where screaming and chasing after him. Once he reached the principles office he quickly opened the door and slammed it behind him and Hinata. He was leaning against the door panting heavily when he noticed someone clear there throat. He looked up to see the principle eyeing him whit curiosity.

"Sasuke, explain"

"um…yes Mr. Uzumaki" Sasuke said while getting of the door and sitting down on one of the chares that was in front of the principles desk while Hinata occupied the other chair. "Well you see sir this is my cousin Hinata Uchiha and she just moved here so I was told by my uncle, her father, to help her signup here"

'Oh yeah I am the best liar on the planet'

"I thought your whole family had been killed"

'Shit, forgot about that part' Sasuke quickly stuffed some fries into his mouth, that way he had time to think while he was chewing. After he was done chewing he responded with the best thing he was able to come up with

"They had moved away before my brother had gone mental and killed everyone"

"Oh…well I guess that makes sense okay Uchiha"

"What?"

"Not you Sasuke, your cousin"

"Oh, right… my cousin! Got cha'"

"Hinata you can go get your uniform in the student center, Sasuke should know where it's at, and here's your schedule and just because I don't feel like calling anymore brats in here I made all your classes the same as Sasuke's so Sasuke you'll be her escort oh and just share his locker, now leave I was taking a nap" he said and then quickly let his head drop onto his desk. Sasuke visibly flinched not because of the huge noise it made but because it looked like it really hurt but the man was able to brush it off like it was nothing

Sasuke and Hinata left the principles office as quietly as they could as to not disturb there napping principle. "Okay, to the student center" Sasuke said while searching in his bag for his burger "follow me"

Hinata, after getting her uniform from the student center, went into the nearest girl restroom and changed. Once she stepped out she was fully clothed in the girl uniform consisting of a white collared shirt with the Konoha symbol embroidered into it, a small platted navy blue skirt and a tie to match. The guys uniform was the same except they had trousers and a suit jacket worn over there shirt.

"Okay let's go to our first class the teachers probably flipping out my now"

"Yes mas- Sasuke, sorry I'm still getting used to it"

"Hn" Sasuke grumbled while finishing of the last of his "meal"

ooooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooooo ooooooooooo

Sasuke opened the door to his class, not even caring if he was twenty minutes late and had missed almost one-third of the class. When Sasuke walked in he noticed that his teacher hadn't even arrived yet which was odd because he was usually very punctual. So Sasuke just sat down at his desk and seeing as the desk next to him was coincidentally empty, told Hinata to sit there.

After about twenty more minutes the door opened again to reveal the same guy who had been at his house yesterday.

'What the hell is that guy doing here?'

Sasuke looked over at Hinata to see if she knew why he was here but she looked just as puzzled as him. He looked back at the guy to see him go up to the board and write him name on it.

'What the fuck his name is Mcloven'

But the man quickly noticed his mistake and erased what he had put and replaced it with Mr. Kakashi

"sorry everyone I just watched Superbad and couldn't get that f-ing name out of my head, anyway my name is hatake Kakashi and I will be your teacher from now on, your other teacher had an "accident" and will be out for the rest of the year" Kakashi explained while smiling at the class.

And somewhere out in the Sahara dessert a man that looked a lot like Sasuke's real teacher was drinking his own pee trying to survive until he found an oasis…at least I hope he'll be able to find one.

"Now Hinata come to the front of the class and present yourself to the class"

'Damn it, that snake pedophile would send his flunky hatake to watch after me' Hinata thought while frowning and walking up to the front of the class

Hinata put on the sweetest smile she could muster and spoke in a soft but clear voice

"hello everyone my name is Hinata Hiuuga, it's nice to meet you all"

(To be continued…)

A/N: okay don't kill me for ending it there please it's just that if I kept going it would have been really long and ya'll probably would have had to wait a really long time and besides I have a major headache so

Ja ne and r&r


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: hello I'm back baby sorry for the longer wait but life got in the way and all my teachers decided to assign project these weeks so I've been super busy**

**Disclaimer: If you think I own Naruto you better get your brain checked cause there's something wrong with you**

Ch 8

Sasuke groaned, and I mean really groaned. Loud. He could not believe she had just messed up; they've barely been in the room for like half an hour for god's sake.

He sighed, looks like it's Sasuke to the rescue, actually it's more like time to lie some more, oh well it's not like lying _wasn't_ fun.

Sasuke quickly hoped out of his seat and ran towards the front of the class and placed his arm around her shoulders

"oh Hinata your such a crazy stalker" Sasuke started and then followed with a weird deep laugh while Hinata looked at him with a what-did-u-just-call-me-face smeared across her soft features, Sasuke than did a complete 180 and had a disappointed look on his face, "you know as well as I do that your name is Hinata Uchiha, listen I know you have this big ass crush on neji but you got to stop calling yourself "misses Hinata Hiuuga future wife of Neji Hiuuga" it's really sad" Sasuke said while trying to copy Hinata's voice and demeanor making him look really gay.

The other students could not believe what was happening. Did _the _Sasuke Uchiha just cup his hands together, bend his right foot back, _and_ bath his eyelashes trying to mimic the _beautiful _girl standing next to him. But after the initial shock everyone pulled out there cells and started snapping pictures and recording the rare occasion. This was definitely YouTube material.

After Hinata stopped looking at Sasuke like he was a complete weirdo, she noticed her mistake and went along with Sasuke's lie "oh…uh my bad, heh he heh sorry yeah uh my name is Hinata Uchiha not Hiuuga" she said while scratching the back of her head and forcing a blush to appear.

'damn, I hope Kakashi didn't notice the slip up, I'm not even supposed to know my real last name' she thought while turning to look at the teacher only to find him sleeping 'looks like someone's taking there job seriously'

Hinata broke away from Sasuke and went and tapped Kakashi so he would wake up. Kakashi was startled awake and after realizing Sasuke was standing next to the girl, told him to go sit down. Sasuke complied with a 'Hn' and went to sit down considering his mission accomplished. While he was walking up to his seat he noticed that his foot had landed in a … puddle? He looked down to see his foot was in a puddle of blood? Sasuke lifted his foot up almost gagging as the liquid seeped into his sneaker. He looked to see who was the owner of the puddle and saw that it was coming from some guy that was having a major nosebleed. He tried to see what the guy was looking at and saw that he was ogling his woman! 'No. Fucking. Way.' Sasuke scanned the room to see if any of the other horny bastards where doing the same and saw that every single guy in the room was either slowly bleeding to death or drooling like mad.

'how dare these s.o.bs look at my Hinata like that, look at them undressing her with there eyes it's despicable' but alas, in the back of his mind Sasuke's conscience was screaming hypocrite over, and over, and over…well you get the point.

Sasuke clenched his jaw in anger but other than that did nothing; he was a lover not a fighter. Yeah right, more like he was already on probation for nearly beating two guys to death because they had skipped him in line but in his defense he had been standing there for nearly the whole fucking lunch hour _waiting _to get something to eat so they deserved what they got!(a/n: ya'll don't know how many times I've wanted to beat the crap out of someone for doing that) one more offence and it was straight to the big house for him and he really didn't want to get anally raped, I mean really a pretty boy like him wouldn't last two seconds in jail.

Once he reached his chair and sat down he started to muse about his sudden hatred towards al things xy-chromosome related and his sudden urge to hide the girl away someplace where only he could admire her beauty. Had he really developed some form of emotions towards this girl? Sasuke racked his brain for some form of memory that could help him figure out what these feelings were.

Flashback (begin white light fadeout scene)

A five year old Sasuke was standing in front of his father, who had summoned him for something that his father kept referring to as 'the talk'

"Okay Sasuke I'm going to talk to you about girls"

"Girls are icky" Sasuke said while making a grossed out face

"Well, let's hope you don't think like that for long"

"I'm never gonna like girls"

"Shut up"

"…"

"okay so anyway, one day you will find a girl that you really like and you're gonna want to hump her, hell you might not even like her she just might be really hot or you might be drunk and not even notice what's happened until it's to late and your stuck paying child support until the brat turns eighteen!" fugaku said while getting all teary eyed and shaking his fist at the sky "I mean it was my first time drinking and who knew I had such a low tolerance for beer!"

"Uh dad?"

"Oh right, anyway so here's a condom, make good use of it okay"

"What am I supposed to do with it?"

"I don't know put it in your wallet or something"

"But I don't have a wallet"

Fugaku started mumbling to himself trying to think of a place where the boy could keep it so Sasuke went unnoticed when he opened the rapper to see the thing that his dad had given him. Sasuke pulled it out and noticing it was wet quickly dropped it to the ground.

'EWW, it's wet' Sasuke thought while having a grossed out face and wiping his hand on his pants

But after noticing it looked like a balloon he quickly picked it up and blew it full of air, tied it, and proceeded to play with it while his dad was in his own world. Fugaku after thinking of the perfect place his son could put the condom turned around to see the boy using it as a balloon. He rushed over graving the 'balloon' and untied it.

"Sasuke, it's not a balloon you dummy, you put it on your… crap what do you call it again?"

"What?"

"You know the thing in between your legs"

"Ohh, my thing-thing?"

"Yeah you put it on your thing-thing"

"Oh" Sasuke then snatched the 'balloon' from his dad and placed it on his thing-thing. "Hey dad, look at my thing-thing" Sasuke said while dancing around and repeating over and over "look at my thing-thing" at the top of his lungs.

Fugaku slapped his hand to his face embarrassed by his son's stupidity. Why was his kid so dumb? He had good genes… at least he hopped he did. It was just depressing tough because when ever he took Sasuke over to play with hiashi's oldest daughter Sasuke always managed to embarrass him seeing as the Hiuuga daughter was light-years ahead of his kid.

Once Sasuke noticed that his dad wasn't paying attention anymore he ran out of the room and ran through the house showing his condom clad thing-thing to his mom and older brother… and possibly the neighbors.

END OF FLASHBACK (fade back into Sasuke)

'Huh, odd but that still doesn't answer my question maybe…

FLASHBACK

Little Sasuke walked towards his mom and started pulling on her skirt.

"Mommy what's love?"

"Ask your father dear mommies busy"

"But you're just watching some Spanish soap-opera"

"Shh, Sasuke Eduardo just walked in on Maria and her lover Juan"

""how do you know mom you don't even speak Spanish?"

"Sasuke just go bother your dad now"

"Humph" Sasuke huffed while stomping away. Sasuke found his father filling out some papers and decided just to leave knowing that his dad wasn't going to pay attention to him now and after his dads most recent advice he just decided to go ask his older brother.

Sasuke walked into itachi's room finding him on the computer and on the phone talking to one of his girlfriends through the internet and the other via phone.

"Oh yeah baby, of course I love you, you know you're my world baby"

"Hey big bro what's love?"

"huh oh well love is just a word that you use to make girls feel good and think that ya' really like them"

"Oh, no wonder that girl tried to make it seem all mushy when she explained to me the definition"

Sasuke them proceeded to snatch the phone from itachi. "HY THERE ONE OF ITACHIS GIRLFRIENDS" Sasuke shouted into the phone with a wide smile on his face.

"**WHAT!!!" **the girl on the other side of the phone screamed almost making poor little Sasuke's ear bleed. Sasuke held the phone away from him and rubbed at his ear

"Man she sounds man, well bye Itachi" Sasuke said while tossing the phone back at Itachi and walking out of the room to get a snack.

END FLASHBACK

'Huh, again no help but that memory is always good to look back on' Sasuke thought while smirking.

The bell rang signaling the end of class. The students that _hadn't_ fainted gathered their thing and rushed out the door while Kakashi checked the students that had fainted, making sure they were alive and called someone to take the bodies to the nurse's office. Sasuke quickly graved the strap of his messenger bag and placed it on his shoulder rushing towards the exit.

He walked trough the door and saw Hinata leaning against a wall waiting for him, her arms laced together behind her back. Put into layman's terms, she looked adorable

Causing all the guys that walked by to stare and crashed into other people in the hall. Noticing Sasuke's presence she looked up to him and smiled, sending Sasuke's hearth a flutter and causing his cheeks to ignite. He frowned, not understanding what was happening to him.

He graved her hand and started dragging her to their next class, all the while wondering how this girl could cause these emotions to bubble inside of him.

**OKAY!!! End chapter 8, so sorry for the longer wait! XP remember review give inspiration which helps chapters squeeze there way out of my tinny brain R &R **

**XxfreecokexX**

**Ja ne**


	9. Chapter 9

Mail Order Madness ch 9

Disclaimer:me own Naruto? ah, hellz naw I'm broke

A/N: guess who? well I'm back and dumberthan ever! i hope everyone had an awesome school year and awesomeness it's SUMMER! well here is another chapter of mail order madness well lets see, warning for this chapter...okay first i know this story is supposed to be funny but I'm goingto start having serious moments kind of think of it like kodocha, (and no i don't mean that my story will be or is as good as kodocha) it has it's lol moments and it has it's super dramatic moments that make you want to bust out in tears...hum, oh also for all the Kakashi lovers...big sorry! i love the guy too, but it was necessary...i think! also this was done on notepad so yeah it's gonna have extra horrible grammar and spelling.

Sasuke's right eye twitched as he walked towards the table Naruto and the rest of the guys where sitting at. So far today had been...less than satisfactory.

In second period, somehow for reasons unknown to man and some monkeys, Hinata managed to trip on her own feet and fall face forward, landing on her knees and face, causing her rear to be in the air. Then out of no where a gust of wind, which is odd considering their where no open windows in the class, blew her skirt up revealing her panties to the whole back row. This action caused all the boys in the back row to have eruptive nose bleeds and... the loss of other...bodily fluids. And yes, most had to be taken to the hospital luckily for Sasuke, he had passed out in a heap without any evidence of faint or blood loss so they disregarded it as him sleeping in class, go fig. After that event, though, everything went back to normal, the lesson resumed and before he knew it the bell rang signaling the start of lunch and the end of second period.

"Sasuke, you f-ing teme, get your emo ass over here!" Sasuke heard Naruto scream from the table he was...standing on?

'God, you don't like me that much, do you?' Sasuke mentally asked while sighing for the hundredth time that day.

Once Sasuke was standing in front of the table Naruto jumped down and placed one of his arms around his shoulder, a giant smile on his face as he addressed the rest of the guys at the table.

"Ya'll listen up, this guy right here, my _best friend_," Narutosaid while nudgeing Sasuke when me said 'this guy', "just got laid by the hottest chick alive."

"Naruto" Sasuke breathed under his breath in an irritated voice.

"Yeah best buddy" Naruto responded with a giant grin on his face.

"I didnt sleep with her"

"What, i couldn't hear you there, must be something in my ear" Naruto said while digging a finger into his right ear.

"I didn't sleep with her, you dobe"

"Um...yeah, i don't know this guy" Naruto announced to the guys while stepping away from Sasuke like he was discusted,"in fact, what are you doing here you weirdo, go away, _andale_, begone evil emo spirit!"

"God, you are dumb" Sasuke said while slumping into his seat and pulling out his lunch.

"Well, heh, you know, I try" He proclaimed while sliding his thumb against the tip of his nose and wearing a cocky big grin on his face. Naruto slipped into the space next to Sasuke and started his interrogation.

"So...why didn't you sleep with her? was she not willing to... you know?"

"No, that's not it"

"Then..."

"I didn't feel like it"

"Oh i understand" Naruto said while nodding his head.

_5,4,3,2,...1_

"WHAT THE F(BEEP) IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Naruto shouted while shaking Sasuke vigorously, "U DON'T DENY A _HOT_ GIRL WHO"S _WILLING_ TO SLEEP WITH YOU!"

Once Naruto calmed down he released the death grip he had on Sasuke's shoulders and sat down, still breathing heavily. Sasuke bit into his sandwich and swallowed before speaking up.

"Look i don't feel like talking about it so drop it, i got work after school and i really don't want to think about_ that _today" he said while giving Naruto a stern face showing there was no arguing with his decision.

"Fine...weirdo"

_punch_

(. time for me to get serious .please don't hate me TT.TT)

The room was eerily dark, the only light shinning in from the windows on the left side of the small class room.

The occupants of this room: a petite small girl by the name of Hinata Uchiha and a tall gray haired man with a mask covering half of his face.

Hinata glared at Kakashifrom across the small desk that he was sitting behind.He smiled up at her from under his mask and spoke in a happy even tone.

"Hello their Ms. Uchiha, how can i help you?"

Hinata's glare intensified as her hands balled into small fist.

"Cut the crap Kakashi" Hinata said in her sweet sounding voice.

"Cussing really doesn't suit you number 4432"

"Damn it, Kakashi! you know my name!" she screamed.

He stood, making a b-line towards her. She baked up as she noticed he was moving closer to her, untill she backed into a desk and he precededto box her in place by placing his arms on either side of the desk and leaning over her. He inched closer to her and placed his mouth next to her ear.

"very well then hinata, what is it that you want?" he whispered into her ear.

Hinata swallowed audibly as a bead of sweat trailed down from her temple to her jaw. She closed her eyes suppressing the memories that tried to make themselves visible and avoiding the thought of how many times before this she had been in this same position with this man. She gatheredher strength and opened her ayes, glaring up at him again.

"What are you doing here, I thought I was free of you and that man" She hissed

"Now, now Hinata, your gone for one day and already you forget the respect that Orochimaru deserves"

"That monster deserves no respect!" she screamed

_sigh_

_slap!_

Kakashi cupped her face roughly after the slap and now starred into her shocked eyes still smiling.

"Listen, my sweet Hinata, Orochimaru sent me here to make sure you are doing your job and told me that if i see any signs of you disregarding what you need to do, that i should immediately send you back to him"

"But...how can he do that I've been sold?"

"But you haven't been paid for"

"..."

Kakashi released her and walked back to his desk knowing that he had won this small battle.

"That's what happens when your the favorite, you makes it hard for the owner to release there _dearest pet_"

Hinata, feeling she had suffered enough, started walkingtowards the door while massaging her sore cheek, but before she could open the door she heard Kakashi speak up.

"I hope you make Sasuke's time with you as...entertaining as it was for Orochimaru and I" he remarked in a discustingly sweet voice.

Hinata bowed her head in shame, knowing well what he was talking about, and proceeded to open the door as fast as she could and run through the hallway searching for Sasuke.

A/N: end, ya it's short but i hope this is good until i can update next and as alwayse i ask that if u liked or have some things that you would like to point out to me, review

Ja ne


	10. Chapter 10

Ch 9 hehe, hi, well not much to say except the rating has gone up I'm new to smut but my friends have turned me into a total perv so yeah….don't chew my head of about the poorly written smut and uh yeah I know I have horrible spelling and grammar, working on it :D this chapter was long over do and i hope to edit the first chapters to my liking considering my writing was total crap when i was younger...its still crap but better :D

Disclaimer uh yeah don't own it also don't own not another teen movie just took a scene that I thought I could so picture this person doing

Ch 10 smile pretty for the cameras

* * *

Sasuke's gang sat at the lunch table listening to Naruto as he ranted on and on about virgins and emo temes and other things of the sort.

"sigh well its not so bad, I mean I would feel kind of weird if he was the only dude in the group who's gotten laid, ya' know?" he said while graving his fork and stabbing the mush on his plate the cafeteria tried to pass off as food before it could crawl too far away.

"dude…did your food just…move?" Kiba questioned with a bewildered and disgusted look on his face .

Naruto smiled lazily, "yeah it does that sometimes…" he then promptly proceeded to smother it in hot sauce. The whole group fell silent as small squealing noises were heard coming from the mush and Naruto smiled sadistically at the sound.

"…dude your not gonna eat that, are you?"

"why wouldn't I?," Naruto questioned while taking a huge bite of it, "anyway, back to what I was saying"

"dude you do know that you and Sasuke are the only virgins in the group right?" Kiba said while smirking up at Naruto.

Naruto started chocking on the 'food' as what Kiba had said processed.

"what the fudge are you talking about dog breath?"

"yeah you two are the only ones left"

"when did this happen!" Naruto screeched as he pointed an accusatory finger at Kiba

"well I got drunk at a party during the summer, shikamaru had a threesome with temari and ino-

"twice" shikamaru interjected before laying his head back down on the table and falling asleep again.

"uh, right twice, shino slept with some chick from the bug museum-"

"twice"

Kibas left eye twitched at being cut of again, "yeah twice"

"well I know chojis still got his v card right?" Naruto questioned with a hopeful look on his face. No way the dude had lost it before him! All he cared about was food and…well, food…

"actually chojis gotten the most action out of all of us really," Kiba said while scratching his chin in a thoughtful manner, "guess most chicks are chubby chasers now in days"

Naruto sat there, a forlorn look on his face as he just sat…starring of into nowhere.

The silence seemed to stretch on forever before Naruto spasmodically twitched, causing everyone to jump from the sudden movement, then slumped in his seat. His head was bowed, words being mumbled from the lifeless lump.

"me and the teme are the only ones left…choji…beat me…." Naruto whimpered at the last words before his head shot up with a determined fist held proudly in the air.

"fine! If that's how it is then Ill at least beat the teme!" Naruto screamed before jumping onto the table they were seated at causing the cafeterias full attention to be placed on him.

"who wants to be the lucky lady to take my virginity!" Naruto screamed out into the audience while pointing his thumb at his puffed out chest.

The cafeteria fell silent, small crickets chirping in the background. A person released an awkward cough.

…

"DIBS ON THE FUNNY BLOND!" a random female voice was heard from the back of the cafeteria.

"hey that's my man back off bitch!"

"I saw him first!"

"ill fight u for him slut!"

"get him!"

Naruto released an "uh oh" before a stampede of females ran his way carrying him off…somewhere, as Narutos cries for help became fainter and fainter as their distance increased.

"well…hey shikamaru ill trade you this microwave pizza for your "spaghetti"

* * *

The teacher stood in front of the class, starring out into the sea of wasted semen that had created the idiots seated before her.

She really hated her job…

She sighed before directing the students attention to her when she coughed exaggeratedly into her closed fist. Once she was sure everyone was paying attention she smiled and spoke up.

"well class today we will begin with the poems I assigned as homework yesterday, so do I have any volunteers that would like to present first" as soon as she had finished speaking an arm rocketed into the air, the said appendage belonging to none other than Sakura Haruno. The girl bounced in her seat as she flailed her arm around and continued to chant "oh, miss pick me, pick me!"

The teacher sweat dropped as she stared at the girls too enthusiastic reaction.

"um yes, miss Haruno, please, come up to the front of the class" the teacher said while moving to situate herself behind her desk again and grumble about her horrible life while lighting a cigarette and proceeding to smoke in class…

The girl hurriedly scurried to the front of the class and beamed a too bright smile at the class before clearing her throat.

"ahem, my poem is called _10 more reasons why I love Sasuke-kun_"

Multiple groans of not this again and for the love of god and heads being slammed into desk could be heard reverberating in the classroom as the poem began. Sakura continued on with her poem undeterred, almost like she hadn't noticed her pears reactions, or maybe she really hadn't…

"could it be the way Sasuke smiles, or the way his nose scrunches and his face contorts in _Love_ as he tells me "your annoying" Sakura spoke with a dreamy look marring her features as she pressed her poem to her chest and continued her endless monologue about Sasuke's greatness. But soon the poem started getting down right creepy.

"and sometimes I collect strands of Sasuke's silky soft hair and roll them into little Sasuke h-h-hairballs" she said while making a rolling motion with her fingers as her voice broke with the emotions building up from her 'wonderful' poem. She closed her eyes and fisted a hand over her heart dramatically when her poem was finished. A screech broke through her dramatic moment as a seething ino jumped up standing on her seat and pointing an accusatory finger at Sakura

"billboard brow you totally plagiarized my poem!"

"pu-lease ino pig, like your puny intellect could ever have enough capacity to come up with a poem as amazing as the one I hold in my hand!" sakura proclaimed as she snottily stuck her nose in the air.

Ino turned red with anger and before Sakura knew what hit her she was tackled to the ground by a pissed of ino. Ino scratched at Sakura's face as Sakura managed to stand up with ino on her sholders, scrawny legs wrapped around her throat, air not reaching her lungs properly. Sakura reached up trying to pry her long time rival in love off her beautiful shoulders. The off balanced Sakura staggered around the room because of the added weight. Thinking fast she decided to slam the insane ino against a wall to get her off but instead of backing into a wall she backed into a glass window. The window shattered, seeing as the school had bought the cheapest glass they could, and they both fell out.

The class sat still as they heard the thud of the impact of the two hitting the ground.

"…yes they're finally gone!," everyone in class cheered as they thought they had finally disposed of the two psychos.

"hey, you guys its okay, where fine" was heard coming from outside the window, sounding strangely like Sakura, a _perfectly intact _Sakura to be precise.

"hurry someone throw a desk at them" was whispered by someone in the class.

"Ill sacrifice my desk for the betterment of our class!" someone cried before flinging their desk out the window, nailing Sakura in the forehead a deep voice in the background announcing a K.O. as Sakura fell to the ground.

* * *

Hinata walked next to Sasuke as they made their way to the restaurant that Sasuke worked part time at, her mind visibly elsewhere as she, on numerous occasions tripped on her own two feet, falling twice as Sasuke reacted too slowly to catch her before she hit the unforgiving sidewalk, to her chagrin. Why couldn't he be like the shojo boys that somehow always managed to catch the clumsy but lovable protagonist?

She sighed as a small pizza restaurant came into view. The place was small and quaint, varnished to look like some sort of stereo typical Italian pizza place, oh look their was even a little chubby plastic Italian man with a gaudy mustache positioned next to the door. Hinata tapped the little plastic man with her pointer fingers knuckle a couple of times before walking into the small shop.

She scanned the restaurant looking at all the color full paintings of Italian monuments and such. The atmosphere was homey the customer count at a low considering it was a weekday so she guessed there wouldn't be much to do today. She followed Sasuke to the back were he dropped his backpack in a corner and pulled out two white aprons, holding it out to her as he slipped the other around his neck.

Hinata gingerly grabbed the apron from him, her hand accidently brushing against his causing Sasuke to snatch his hand away and walk of into the back mumbling something about clocking them in. Hinata sighed and shook her head as she tied the apron on. Sasuke had been really …whishy washy today, one minute he was shy and virginal the next he was being cold and distant, it wasn't helping at all and she really needed to talk to him about Orochimaru….

Sasuke returned from the back holding a giant pan covered in giant doe balls. Hinata stared at him as he walked over to the counter in the back and placed them there before smothering the counter top with flour.

"you ready to get started Hinata?" he asked in his usually bored tone, his back still facing her. Hinata frowned and stepped up next to him standing a smidge to close for Sasuke's comfort.

"yes master Uchiha" she murmured which caused Sasuke's face to turn a light shade of red. He cleared his throat and shock his head, "I thought I told you not to call me that.." he mumbled before grabbing a French roller and beginning to work on the first ball of dough. Hinata smiled and giggled as the color didn't want to seem to fade from his face and his scowl seemed to deepen.

"phew" Hinata wiped at the imaginary sweat on her brow as she was exiting out the small shop with Sasuke. The work wasn't difficult, waiting on tables cleaning and making pizzas wasn't fairly difficult but standing on your feet for hours on end could tire anyone out. She pressed her forehead against Sasuke's back and smiled when he stiffened slightly.

* * *

She had spent most of the time at the pizza shop like this. Finding any opportunity to invade Sasuke's personal space and exploiting it. She hated to admit it but teasing Sasuke, watching the blushes spread on his cheeks, seeing him stiffen… was fun, not to mention he looked adorable when he blushed.

Hinata giggled at her final thought and looked ahead to see that somehow they where already at Sasuke's front door. He unlocked the door and stepped in kicking his shoes of at the entrance before heading into the kitchen. Hinata remained in the hall scanning the small hallway discreetly as she removed her shoes. Orochimaru or one of his goons, more than likely Kakashi had been here. They had to keep tabs on her to make sure she was doing her "job" so more than likely they had installed surveillance cameras in the house. She had to tell Sasuke about this if she wanted his help she had to tell him about her situation. She turned and saw Sasuke heading into the bathroom.

As he was closing the door she placed her hand between the door and stepped inside with him closing the door behind her.

"hey, what are you-" but Sasuke was cut off as Hinata pressed her lips against his. Sasuke's mind went black as her lips slowly moved against his. He pressed his palms to her cheeks as he reciprocated the kiss. She dragged her hands up his chest and slowly started backing into the direction of the bathtub. She broke from the kiss and brought her hands to one of his leading him into the bathtub with her. Sasuke followed her numbly his body moving of its own accord. He watched dazedly as she closed the curtain and turned on the shower. He shivered as the water hit his back and Hinata surged forward pressing herself fully against him.

Gods this girl was beautiful. Her arms came up and he watched as two eloquent fingers popped the first button of her uniform shirt

* * *

Orochima and Kakashi starred transfixed on the screen in front of them as they saw Hinata make her way into the restroom after Sasuke and seeing the door shut with what looked like a considerable amount of force.

The two turned to each other blank looks on both of the men's faces.

"…you don't think?…" Kakashi questioned leaving the implication of his question to hang in the air.

The two continued to stare at each other for a few more seconds the implication of what they had seen slowly sinking into their brain.

"QUICKLY MAN SWITCH TO THE CAMERA IN THE RESTROOM" Orochimaru hollered at Kakashi while sprinting out of the room. Kakashi picked up the multiple remotes on the table, not knowing which one operated which tv and which camera yet.

Kakashi doing the only logical thing a human would do started pressing random buttons hoping by some act of god he would find the remote. He heard the door slam against the wall indicating lord Orochimaru had returned with… a bag of popcorn?

"so did you find the remote, we have installed the audio bugs right?" he asked while shoveling a handfull of popcorn into his giant mouth hole.

"uh well, sir…I have no idea what im doing actually…and I don't think they've installed the audio yet" he answered while ducking behind his arms expecting a hard blow from the snake man.

The man only sighed while grabbing a giant stick from behind the couch they sat on and using it to push the button on the tv causing the image on the tv to shift to a misted image of the restroom with two silhouettes behind a duck patterned light blue curtain, random clothing strewn on top of the curtain rod and the ground.

"its so hard to find good minions these days" Orochimaru sighed while handing Kakashi his stick

"hold my stick"

"yes sir"

"…stroke it"

"…excuse me?"

* * *

Sasuke starred transfixed as the buttons seemed to come undone almost in slow motion, the edges of his vision blurring to the point to where all he could see was the enticing girl in front of him slowly unclothing. The dampened fabric slid of her shoulders, pooling on the tub floor. She pressed herself against him causing sweat to dampen his skin and his breath to hitch. She slid her hands down his clothed chest and caught the hem of his shirt bringing the black t-shirt over his head and threw it over the curtain rod.

Sasuke swallowed hard as the current situation started finally sinking in as the inicial shock wore off.

Hinata was seducing him.

Only one word could describe how the Uchiha felt in the current situation:

"Fuckkkk" Sasuke groaned as Hinata pressed her upper body on his her lips resting against the shell of his ear.

"Sasuke…" she breathed into his ear causing a shiver to travel down his spine.

"y-yes"

"I need you to listen carefully, I have a strong suspicion that we're being watched"

* * *

"man! This isn't any fun why didn't we install the audio?"

"many pardons sir but we had to leave before they got back which left no time to install them"

The leader visibly pouted obviously peeved with his subordinate. Honestly could the man do anything right? First he doesn't install the bugs then he cant seem to find the remote and now he's royally failing at kissing his ass! Orochimaru puffed out his cheeks and glared at the white haired man.

"fine then since I cant hear them then you talk for them" Orochimaru proclaimed with a evil smirk

"your not serious are you?"

"did I stutter, go on, I think this is the point where they should be having a wild tryst in the shower"

"…ohhh, Sasuke" Kakashi said awkwardly in a monotone voice while cupping his hands to his left cheek.

"…yeah I'm leaving"

* * *

Sasuke's eyes widened as he craned his neck trying to look at the girl. She shifted and directed with her eyes towards the opposite end of the bathroom pointing out the general location of the tiny camera. She leaned back towards his after he had turned in the direction of the camera.

"I spotted one when we first got home and noticed that one when I walked in here, more than likely every single room in the house has one" she said while drawing small circles on his abdomen with her index finger.

"but…why?"

"they want me back so their making sure I do my 'job' properly" all this said between her ghosting feather soft kisses against his neck.

Sasuke swallowed the lump forming in his throat and brought his hands to rest on her bent elbows trying to think past what she was currently doing to him. the pieces started to slowly connect in his brain and he groaned at the implications.

"so your job is _this_" he breathed out as she dragged her nails down his abdomen and let her fingers idle at the hem of his boxers that peeked over his black jeans.

"more or less, please Sasuke…I don't want to have to force myself on you but I have no _choice, _I cant, no _wont, _go back to them!"

And Sasuke felt her shake against him as a tiny sob escaped her lips. His heart clenched at the sound and instinctively he wrapped his arms around her burring his face in her wet hair. What ever this girl had gone through before meeting him must have been horrible and he would be a cruel man if he was the reason she was sent back to that hellhole.

"what do we do then?"

* * *

Sasuke slowly brought his arms to the brim of his shirt as he awkwardly lifted it over his body as Hinata laid on his bed starring at him apologetically. His blush intensified as the garment hit the ground and he was left shirtless in the beautiful girls presence.

Hinata sat up in the bed as the first peek of Sasuke's skin was revealed. She was shocked to say the least as she noticed just how toned Sasuke's body was and although she had seen him shirtless before she just never had paid much attention to this, probably being to distracted by his erratic and spasmodic behavior.

Hinata slowly smiled as she saw just how embarrassed he was, standing awkwardly one arm lightly rubbing the other one as he tried to look at anything but her. She shifted to where she was sitting on the edge of the bed and out stretched her arms before her towards Sasuke, trying to calm the poor boy.

Sasuke's blush only intensified as he saw Hinata outstretch her arms towards him with a serene smile adorning her face. He mentally cursed his unmanly behavior and decided to finally react normally, he had to keep in mind that he was doing all this to help the girl, so it was time to get his act together and smile pretty for the cameras. But it was just so difficult when he had never really been in a situation like this with a female, much less one this _gorgeous_. He brought his eyes to her and noticed just how…_enticing_ she looked sitting on _his_ bed, wearing one of _his_ t-shirts that was slipping off one shoulder considering the garment was much too large for the light girl, her hair dampened from the shower, fanning out around her.

The blush returned, but lightly, this time being accompanied with a trace of lust that was apparent in the inexperienced boys eyes. His eyelids lowered slightly as his body fell into a mesmerized state and he made his way towards the bed and positioned his body right in front of her, leaning his weight on his arms which were placed on the bed as support.

She brought her arms around his shoulders and weaved her fingers into his locks of hair bringing him closer to her body. She laid back onto the bed, bringing Sasuke with her, and brought her lips to rest against the shell of his ear whispering a soft apology before bringing her lips to his throat, lightly tracing up and down it before bringing them back to his ear and nibbling on his earlobe earning a slight moan. She felt a shiver travel down Sasuke's spine as she wrapped her long legs around his abdomen.

Sasuke groaned as he felt her bring her body up and felt her grind against him, as she brought her mouth back to his neck and lightly nibbled and sucked on the sensitive skin. Her administrations sent bolts of electrical pleasure straight to his groin making his body react without his consent.

"Hinata I-" but his sentence was cut short as he moaned again as she brought her mouth down onto his clavicle and then lower onto his left nipple and nibbled it lightly before she licked her way back up to his neck and continued her earlier administrations, all this while she continued to grind against his now hardening member.

A light sheen of sweat started to gather on his body as the temperature in the room seemed to intensify. His eyes were tightly clenched as he tried to suppress the groans that were building up in his throat, but they swiftly opened when he felt Hinata's mouth move away from his throat as a gasp escaped her lips and fanned against his dampened skin sending another shiver traveling down his spine.

"ah, s-Sasuke…" Hinata moaned as she shut her eyes and curved against him her labored breathing fanning against his dampened neck. She flipped there position and brought herself to lay against him as she slowly brought her hand to idle at the hem of his boxers. His breathing was harsh and deep as he stared up at the ceiling bringing his hand to her hair and slowly running his fingers through her inky strands marbling at the softness not completely prepared for what was to come and just as she started to pull his boxers down the bedroom door slammed against the opposite wall startling the couple.

Sasuke quickly wrapped his arms around Hinata and brought her behind him trying to hide her frame from the intruder.

Narutos body slowly staggered into the room an almost empty sake bottle gripped in his drunken grasp.

"hey there you guys!" Naruto slurred as his eyes slowly landed on Sasuke and Hinata on the bed. "you guyssssss you wont believe what just happened to meeeeee"

The bubbly drunk spun around the room sending sprinkling droplets of alcohol all over the couple and fell flat on his ass starring off into the distance.

"…today was a good day" he giggled before falling back and into a deep slumber.

* * *

"…what the hell! Who is that idiot Kakashi?" Orochimaru hollered as the steamy pre-love making scene was abruptly brought to an end.

"I believe that is the Uchiha boys best friend, Naruto Uzumaki sir" he announced as he lifted the remote and changed the scene to the kitchen where the couple had wandered to after the boy had barged into the room.

"well can we kill him off or something, I don't want him doing that again" Orochimaru proclaimed as he shoveled handfuls of popcorn into his mouth and pouted some more.

"no sir he has main character immunity"

"he's not the main character!"

"yes he is"

"says who?"

"the manga _is_ called _Naruto_"

"but this is fan fiction, this story is clearly under Sasuke and Hinata so they get the immunity"

"you'd be surprised"

"…touché"

And with that the argument ended and they went back to watching the monitors.

* * *

Hinata slowly traced the rim of her mug with her index finger as Sasuke stood by the kitchen cabinets awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

So the mood had been royally killed and not knowing what else to do they wandered into the kitchen and brewed some coffee. Sasuke released along sigh and brought his eyes to land oh Hinata as she played with her cup.

She was really something else and honestly he really didn't know what he felt for the girl. She was gorgeous beyond belief and just knowing she was willing to do anything for him sent a blush to his cheeks but he really couldn't put a word to what he felt for her.

She brushed her hair behind her ear and he looked away now examining the refrigerator.

He was glad.

Glad that Naruto had barged in when he did. It may seem girlish to some but really he didn't care. He did honestly want his first time to be special, with a girl he considered amazing and all the useless emotions that came with it being with someone special, not just some random tryst after prom sort of deal. He picked up the pot with the brewed coffee and padded over to Hinata filling the empty cup.

She brought her head up and smiled at him and sure enough his heart skipped a beat and a blush formed on his cheeks. He quickly looked away and grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured himself a cup. He sipped gingerly at it and enjoyed the relative silence and the company that Hinata provided.

He sighed and mentally jotted down that he owed the dobe at least two punches one for barging in when he did and one as a thank you, maybe coupled with a cup of ramen.


End file.
